Don't regret being you

A couple of days back my mum sent a video on the family group. Although I wanted to ignore it thinking that it would be some dharmic story that will have some moral and it will not interest me. Yet I checked it out because I recently got married and was guilty that I wasn’t spending much time with her.

So I played the video. It was a story of a very well to do nurse who was shifted to a section of the hospital where people who were about to die were shifted. The nurse was really unhappy with the choice of work her seniors had chosen for her. Despite of that she decided to not to lose it so soon.

Interestingly she started giving her cent per cent to her duty. After a few years, she decided to write a book in which she deciphered the five common regrets that people have before they die. Of course! that was for me. It meant to make me realize how bad I’ve been as a daughter, I thought. But unlikely, it didn’t.

The fifth most common regret was, I wish I had let myself be happier.

The fourth most common regret was, I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

The third most common regret was, I wish I had the courage to express my feelings. (research says, expressing makes the bond stronger cos it’s action + words)

While this point was being further deciphered, I thought ab aane wala point, zaroor parents se in touch mein rehne wala hoga… as usual.. I don’t know why parent’s always think of us as that. Abandoning them was and will never be a part of what we can ever think. After all, we’re not that selfish..!

And then came the second most common regret, I wish I had not worked that hard. This provoked a little thought. And I thought, if I go to the office on time and leave on time, no one can question me. Unless I’m not doing my work diligently. Of course! this doesnt really apply to advertising, but if sometimes it does, let's. I mean my senior also follows this. And you know what; she has all the time for her personal life. I just got married and I think I also deserve it. So this point made a valid entry in my brains.

This was when I revisited the first three points and realized that these points aren’t really wrong.

Now came the turn of the first most common regret. Of course! It had to be for the parents. Every person regrets that. And then it finally came and it read, I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

I was shocked. Not just because it didn’t mention parents anywhere but because 90% of people I’m surrounded with needed to learn this. So what did this mean?

There are times in life when you’ve got to act a little mature. Maturity doesn’t mean that you have to be quiet and understand the perspectives. It also means that you have to be original. You have to give self-learning some space. Like you know how and when to pee, you should also know, how and when to be, you. 

Maybe my bad, but I somehow related it to the smoking habit that I’ve been drawn into. I used to smoke. And smoke just cos people around me liked to. And then, I kind of developed a habit. Until one day, I realized, that I don't really like it. And I find it FAKE.

I still remember I had created this norm in my mind before I got married and asked myself the reason of why I wanted to get married. I had decided in life that I won’t till I have a reason for it. No! His proposal wasn’t the reason. 

It was the fact that I couldn’t divide myself in two whenever I was needed in either places, and the fact that I couldn’t handle any further mornings without seeing him. So, every morning I had to meet him before I left for my office. And so, after two months of consideration, post his proposal, I said, Ok, yes! I can do it, to myself.

The same logic applies to the habits we are developing. Whenever you’re at some party and people ask you to drink, ask yourself, do I want to indulge? Or can I do it easy with a glass of orange juice? At first, people do make fun of you. But when you have a reason like, I don’t feel like it, they won’t have any face to question you. And even if they do, you know who’s who.

It feels good. 

And original. 

And happy.

It’s not that you don’t have to drink or smoke or smoke up. You just have to do it, when you really feel like it. 

So yeah, 

Be original. It takes balls to be like that.

Source: The top five regrets of dying by Bronnie Ware